Dear Diary
by alexgmich
Summary: PWP. As told by Scout.


Heavy and Medic's little fag parade isn't a real secret around the base. Of icourse/i they're faggots for each other—I mean look at them! Fatty walkin' around yellin' for that Nazi in the creepy lab coat all the fuckin' time. If iI/i was Medic, I'd shove that stupid Medigun right up that fat ass'—Wait! You guys're gettin' me off topic here!

Now lemme tell ya how I got into this mess.

Before I tell ya ianythin'/i though, ya gotta promise to believe me when I say I never wanted this ta happen, we straight?

… Good. Cuz I know I am!

I got up on a normal borin' day of fightin' here at 2fort as usual. I pulled on my uniform and tied my cleats real tight so they wouldn't get all loose, ya know what I'm sayin'? Cuz how useful am I gonna be if my dumbass shoe is gonna come flyin' off in the middle of me snatchin' the intel? But anyway, I headed down to the cafeteria where all my chucklenut teammates eat and shit. Of course those two were sittin' next to eachother, Medic cuttin' Heavy's French toast as if he were a five million pound six year old. So I threw up.

Almost.

So I got my pile of shit called oatmeal and put a crap load of brown sugar on it and sat down across from those two. While I shoveled by food in my mouth, they whispered sweet fuckin' nothin's in eachother's ears so I told them to get a room. Well, Medic turned the color of my fuckin' shirt, and fat ass was all like "IS NOT FUNNY, LEETLE MAN" so I was like "Whatever, I'm just speakin' the truth!"

After that whole fiasco was over and those two faggots left, Frenchie came over and goes "Hon hon hon I know of a secret stash of Bonk! in Monsieur Medic's room." When I heard that, I was high-tailing it outta there to go steal—erm, iborrow/i some. Finally get into his room and basically trash the fuckin' place. "Damn Frog, he tricked me!" I says to myself. Right when I'm lookin' in the closet I hear a banging on the door. My heart starts racing at a billion miles a sec, so I panic and lock myself in the closet… HEY! What was I supposed to do, fuckin' waltz on out like everythin's peachy?

Next thing I know, Heavy comes waddling through the doorway and sits on Doc's bed. He's lookin' down all thoughtful-like, rubbin' the mattress with his pudgy-ass hand as if he was pettin' a freakin' cat. Well, a cat made'a steel cuz that guy has the strength of a freakin' TANK.

So then Medic comes right on through and isn't even freakin' surprised that Fatty's there! Now I know somethin's up, so I keep lookin' through the little slots of the door to see what happens. I mean, who iwouldn't/i wanna know what's happenin' right outside the door you're hidin' behind?

This is when it gets fuckin' iweird/i.

It was like some sort of chick-flick. Well, iI've/i never been to one—those are only for chicks (duh) and fags! But yeah it went somethin' like iHeavy stood and stared deep into Medic's eyes, right into his freakin' soul/i (That was me pretendin' it was a chick-flick… That I've inever/i seen). Then they start ikissin'/i! It was un-freakin'-believable! Their mouths were like perfectly in sync with each other's like they've been doin' it for years! Well, they probably did it a bajillion times before this, but, yeah SO ANYWAY they're kissin' and gropin' and shit and Heavy's got his fat hand on Doc's ass and squeezin' it, which made Doc make some weird noises into Fatty's mouth.

Nazi's face was all red again and shiny from some sweat from them makin' out and then Heavy slams him against the wall next to me—which probably fuckin' hurt, I mean look at the guy! Then Fatty's mouth is on Doc's neck, suckin' a bitin' on the skin and unbuttonin' Doc's coat with his stubby fingers. Damn, was it gettin' hot in there or was it just me? I was like burnin' up! Now that Medic's mouth was free, he was imoanin'/i like no tomorrow. When I went to scratch my balls in thought, I realized it…

I was hard as a fuckin' rock.

My face heated up real fast, cuz I was seriously gettin' off to this shit! Maybe cuz I only been with one person before. Or maybe cuz I'm supa lonely out here. Or maybe cuz Medic kinda sounded like a girl. Or maybe because Heavy's dick was thicker than my fist… OH YEAH Medic unzipped his draws a lil' while ago and now his glove was strokin' it real slow-like. I fiddled with my zipper for a little before I huffed a small "fuck it" and yanked it down.

God, it felt so good to get my dick outta my pants.

… So back to Ronald McFatty and the Nazi.

Medic shrugged his coat off and Heavy was pantin' a lil' from Medic's hand all up on his junk so he went for Doc's pants. He practically ripped 'em off the guy and started jerkin' him off real slow too. Doc was all like "Ja ja mein liebe" and Fatty was all like "Da, doktor" and for some reason I was burnin' the fuck up so I took off my shirt. Then I noticed my dick was still out. We stared at each other for what felt like forever and then my dick told me "Chucklenuts, just fuckin' do it!" so I agreed with 'em and wrapped my hand around 'em. And I had to bite down on my finger from moanin' even louder than Medic cuz SHIT that felt good.

During my starin' contest with my iother/i Sandman, the two made it to the bed, Medic now on top. Thank God, otherwise he'd be freakin' idead/i. At this point, they were both naked which was kinda gross on Heavy's part because he's as fat as I am sexy, and I mean damn that means he's really big. But who cares, it was still kinda hot. KINDA. Then Doc aimed Heavy's giant shlong against his asshole and I was like "Shit they're actually gonna ido/i it?" to myself and my question was answered when Medic let out a real shaky breath and went down onto Fatty! He had Heavy's fat curled in his gloves real hard and his eyes were screwed shut and his mouth was open real wide. As if on cue, my arm moved faster and it was freakin' amazin'.

They sat there really still for a thousand years until Medic moved. And if I say it wasn't the hottest thing I've seen besides my own reflection I'd be lyin'. Doc was bouncin' and every time he touched down on Heavy he'd moan and I'd moan and we'd all moan except I was doin' it secretly. My arm was workin' so fuckin' hard it felt like it was gonna freakin' fall off—until Medic freakin' screamed Heavy's name and went faster and faster, pantin' harder and harder. Heavy took his two pudgy things he calls hands and gripped Medic's hips and slammed into him and came all the way inside him. Then Medic did that amazin' noise again and did the same on Heavy's stomach. With one last groan, I came all over my fuckin' hand and my damn pants. That was when they looked over with horra on their fuckin' faces. Heavy slipped outta Medic and came over to the door where I was and fuck it all if I wasn't scared for my fuckin' life. I didn't even have my pants over my knees by the time that closet door opened and I stumbled out stammerin' and tryna explain myself. He was all like "WHAT WAS LEETLE MAN DOING IN DOKTOR'S CLOSET" and I was spittin' out anythin' I could but it didn't matter cuz a giant fist flew into my face and next thing I know I'm in my bed with a black eye and a broken arm. Good thing it wasn't my right othawise I couldn't be tellin' you this right now. Well I gotta go ice my head, it hurts like a fuckin' bitch.

- Scout


End file.
